Just when I thought I was over my fear of flying:

“Welcome in the new Boeing 848. This is the captain's son speaking. My father's not here, because this aircraft is fully automatic. He told me to tell you you're all safe, or he wouldn't send me along. The safety instructions will be shown on the video screens. Snacks and drinks are in the vending machines. My mother also sends her regards, along with the other stewardesses. I hope all of you can get along nicely. Have a good flight.”